(Cartoon courtesy of Buck Cash)I have been too much of a zombie to get anything posted this weekend. I have been sitting around, staring off, moaning and groaning and communicating to Glenda in low mono syllabic grunts
I got my last two days of chemo on Thursday and Friday. Pretty much uneventful except for the after effects.
This has been a miserable weekend. I am totally wiped out. Feel like a zombie. It is like having a really bad flu bug with out the congestion. I am very weak. Unstable on my feet. Sore and achy all over. I have a bad case of hand tremors.
My mouth is getting sores. My teeth ache. I have had several bad headaches that Tylenol has not touched. I am cold all day even wearing a hat, long sleeve shirt, sweatshirt and house coat.
I have been able to keep the nausea to a minimum but I almost threw up this morning a couple of times. As close as I have come so far.
If I yawn too wide, my lips will crack even though I put chap stick on every 5 minutes
I have to be very careful not to bump into anything even slightly as I will bruise or swell
I weighed in at 147 lbs this morning, the lowest to date. I went outside and I guess it was bit too windy cause I blew across the drive and tumbled into the rock wall. I was able to crawl back to the house and get back inside before the wind got a hold of me again. (just kidding)
I have no appetite and nothing tastes good. I try and nibble on this and that, trying to find something I can eat to get some food and calories in me but it is hard to find any thing appealing. The less I eat, the more nausea I get since my stomach is empty. I am very sensitive to smell and most food smells make me queasy. Even the thought of certain foods or if Glenda suggests a food, is enough to set me off. There is very little I can drink. Water is tough to get down, juice is too sweet and irritates my mouth, shakes are too rich and smoothies irritate my mouth and I can’t use raw fruit any how. Even bananas are irritating now. I spend a lot of time prowling in the kitchen. It might take a dozen trips over an hours time to decide what I can stomach.
I am back visualizing the young resilient tree in the wind. I am laying low, trying to weather the worst of the storm.
Till next time. I appreciate your positive, nurturing thoughts.
Love,
Brian
9 comments:
Hang in there, buddy. This too shall pass. So sorry you're having to go through this -- hopefully the worst is behind you. Thanks for the update. Let me know if there's anything I can do. -P
Rest up, and be well Brian!
It may be a good time for you to recite some Bible lamentations, as a mantra and meditation for emotional and spiritual comfort during your long periods of suffering.
I read The Magnificat as a daily devotional study, the same publication that I send to David every month. A few days ago, The Magnificat offered some biblical verses and advice that I thought you could really use right now. Some of these verses you could just think about over and over again, as you lay on your couch in a chemo-fog state of mind. Here is a sampling:
You need endurance to do the will of God and receive what he has promised. (Heb 10:32-9)
By waiting and by calm you shall be saved, in quiet and in trust your strength lies. (Is 30:15)
In God alone is my soul at rest;
my help comes from Him.
He alone is my rock, my stronghold,
my fortress: I stand firm.
In God is my safety and glory, the rock of my strength.
Take refuge in God all you people.
Trust him at all times.
Pour out your hearts before Him
for God is our refuge. (Ps. 62)
After Saint Anthony of the Desert was caught in a prolonged, painful struggle, he asked the Lord: "Where were you?" CHrist answered, "I was right here with you all along, Anthony." Because He himself was tested through what He suffered, He is able to help those who are being tested. Christ suffers in and with those who suffer.
Remember God's consolation to His followers as a violent storm was threatening their boat on the sea. Jesus was resting on the stern, and they said to Him, "Teacher, do you not care that we are perishing?" He woke up, rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, "Quiet! Be still!" The wind ceased and there was great calm. Then He said to them, "Why are you terrified? Do you not have faith?" (Mark 4: 35-41)
"Brothers and sisters: Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen." (Heb 11: 1-2)
With prayers for your comfort and recovery, love Rick
Brian I am always amazed. In the mist of what I would consider "the worst", you come through, again, with that glorious sense of humor. I have no words of wisdom. I cannot begin to know what you are going through. Be strong, this too shall pass. I love you and pray for you every day and visualize the chemo doing what it is suppose to do - KILL CLYDE!!
Love,
Renee
LOL, well you still have your sense of humor, so that's a good sign. You're just right in the worst of it right now. I think you will be feeling much better in a few days! I love you Daddy! Check your email, I'm sending you a pic of the painting right now.
Love,
Krystel
Hope you are feeling better today. I would love to bring you some homemade soup but I'm sure the broth would irritate your mouth too. I'm going to a retreat this weekend with lots of time for meditation-you'll be there with me.
Love--Jean
Hope you are feeling better today. I would love to bring you some homemade soup but I'm sure the broth would irritate your mouth too. I'm going to a retreat this weekend with lots of time for meditation-you'll be there with me.
Love--Jean
I wish I had any words that would make a difference in everything that you are going through. I really appreciate you keeping up the blog inspite of the way you are feeling. I think about you everyday, and send you positive healing thoughts. It is not much fun getting 'blown away'.....just keep all of your friends in your heart....and hopefully, their love and courage will help you through these difficult times.
love always -- Cindy and Shawn
uggh ugghh uggghhh and double ugh..
hope by today the storm is passing you by. sounds like you know the names of all the things that are falling on your head....so that is better than last time, huh? i'm sending you some extra calories that i picked up down at my folks (cookkies, cake, etc)...will you store them for me? i love you! susie
Brian,
Thank you for taking the time to keep us updated. I am sending you powerful healing energy. Peaceful healthy days and restful nights. Keep up the good fight.
Love, Stuart
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